I recently listened to an episode of Glennon Doyle’s podcast “We can do hard things” which sparked this article. It was episode 278: The power of child-free women. It was such a beautiful conversation with the author Ruby Warrington.
It resonated a lot with me. But before I explain why, let’s back up a little…
I grew up expecting my life to be like everyone else’s: grow up, get married, have 2 kids and a job I liked doing.
But that’s the things with expectations – life rarely matches them.
I was single for most of my adult life and didn’t ever meet a man I wanted kids with. I preferred to be on my own than be part of a couple just to be with someone
As a result, I didn’t have kids in my 20s.
In my 30s I moved to the UK, still expecting to meet someone and start a family.
Well… that didn’t happen. However, I was surrounded by amazing women my age without kids and realised that my life was great as it was. I eventually passed the feeling of wanting kids for a number or reasons. I actually got to a point where I was glad I never had kids because I was in love with my life – and I wouldn’t have this life as a mother.
Then in 2019, I met Lee. He had 2 teenage daughters. While they never spent a lot of time with us, I slowly slipped into the role of a step mum. But I’m still child-less (biologically). By choice.
I love Lee’s girls but they’re almost grown up which means Lee and I can enjoy our lives on our own terms.
When I was in my 30s and I told people I didn’t have children, I had to constantly hear things like “you’ll change your mind when you meet the right person” and “don’t worry, it’ll happen” without even considering whether I wanted this. It’s an assumption that is put on every woman. It’s what made me believe most of my life that I wanted my own kids.
That’s what part of the podcast was about. I felt so seen listening to this episode. Because I’m in my 40s now and I don’t regret never having had a child.
However, being child-free sets me apart from a lot of family photographers. I always thought that it’s a disadvantage – not knowing how to speak to mums and parents in general, not having the connections others make at the school gates and their mummy communities. And while there might be a bit of truth in it, NOT having children is actually an advantage for me.
I never have to worry about finding a babysitter when I agree to a job.
I have no experience in raising children so when I visit a family at home to document their life, there’s no judgement coming from my side when you do things that might be unconventional. Because I literally have no idea how to raise a child “the correct way”. I just come as I am, curious to see how you built a life that works for you so I can document that for your family.
Last summer, Lee’s cousin came over for a weekend with her 2 kids. I had a family photo session in the morning while they stayed with us. The moment I came back from that session and was greeted by the energy of a 4-year-old and an 8-year-old at midday, I realised that I probably wouldn’t be a family photographer if I had my own kids. As an introvert, being around a lot of people drains me. I need quiet and calm to refuel my energy levels. I’m not sure I’d be able to do that if I had my own children.
The thing is, I admire parents who spend a lot of energy at work and then come home to be present for their kids. And if I had to, I’m sure I’d be able to manage. But I chose a different pat for myself and I’m confident that this makes me a better family photographer – not in comparison to my competition but in comparison to a mummy-version of myself.
Anyway, all that to say… I love that there are conversations happening around women being child-free by choice. I love kids and my clients keep telling me that their kids enjoyed hanging out with me. That’s one of the best compliments I could get.
While I might not be able to really connect with you over specific things kids do at certain ages or share experiences of raising children, I can document the beauty of your life as it is today without judgment or comparison to my own experiences.
Whether that’s something that’s important to you or not when looking for a family photographer, that’s your choice. I’m here if you want to talk about how I might be able to create photographic evidence of what love and connection looks like in your home.
If this resonates with you and you’d love to see what I can capture for your family, get in touch and let’s find out!
