How do you feel about sharing the things that don’t go well?
I have a feeling that most of us have been raised to not talk about our mistakes. Because “what would people think?” Right? Errors, mistakes and failures make us look stupid and incompetent.
Except they don’t.
They make us look human. Humans are flawed and that’s ok.
So let’s talk about our mistakes.
Why we need to share our failures
Have you ever heard about the “power of conflict” in a story? It’s what makes us interested in a character in any story – fictional or not.
A while ago, I watched the movie “Apollo”. It’s a documentary about the NASA Apollo programme that has sent astronauts to space. We all know the Apollo mission wasn’t blessed with success. The opposite actually: Technology failed a lot, people lost their lives, and missions had to be aborted.
What I loved so much about this documentary was that it showed the success and failures of the programme. The lows of astronauts dying on Apollo 1, the highs of Apollo 8 and their 10 orbits around the moon and the legendary pictures taken on that journey.
And here’s the thing… It also showed how the nation got bored of it all and stopped paying attention. In 1969 the first two astronauts landed on the moon and John F Kennedy’s prophecy had come true. This is where the story should have ended. The excitement was over.
Until something didn’t go right anymore and lives were endangered. One year after the moon landing, Apollo 13 became a critical mission when technology failed and the astronauts had to be brought back home on a ship with limited oxygen and fuel to travel safely through space. That was the moment people started paying attention again.
Why?
Something went wrong. That’s conflict.
A story where everything goes smoothly is an anecdote. It can be entertaining but usually leaves us flat, wanting for more.
We tend to care more about the character and the outcome if things don’t go right. Overcoming obstacles is a crucial element of telling a good story. It’s what makes us care and relate to the characters. Our life never goes to plan so when we hear that this happens to others too, we sympathise. But we also want the person to succeed. So we listen and hope.
This is why your failures have so much power.
And this is why we as business owners need to share things that don’t go well. Failures and mistakes are a part of life and running a business. Success doesn’t come from everything always going well. It comes from making mistakes and learning from them.
When something goes wrong, I feel terrible. I feel like I’m the failure.
But a strange thing happens when I decide to talk about it: I get the most responses on my weekly emails or my Instagram stories when I share things that haven’t gone right.
Because I’m not the only one going through this. Mistakes and failures are what connect us humans. And it’s always good to know we’re not the only ones struggling or messing up. Plus, we can learn from other people’s mistakes and how they deal with it.
Things that haven’t gone right in my business are Mini Sessions that didn’t sell (at all – I had zero bookings one time I tried offering them), I offered a free portfolio shoot and hoped people would buy extra images which never happened, I’m often scared to sell my services and end up with fewer bookings than I want or need to pay my bills or I don’t set boundaries with clients.
All of these things are perfectly normal and not even the worst thing that can happen. But talking about them is what makes those who follow me and my work relate better to me.
I know it feels uncomfortable but I urge you to tell your audience what you struggle with. You’ll be surprised by how much they will care. And if you share what you learnt from your struggles, you’ll have a lesson for your audience. And yourself.
To reframe your failures, I can only recommend listening to the podcast “How to fail”. Another great way to look at failure differntly is the IG post below by Liz and Mollie.
The place where I most talk about projects – successful and failed ones – are my weekly emails so if you’d like to hear about these stories, make sure you sign up for those.
